


you're the sanctuary

by eli_jacks



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Bad Days, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Zhong Chen Le-centric, ahaha, chenle is baby, chenle is trans, jaemle rise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eli_jacks/pseuds/eli_jacks
Summary: chenle happens to have a rough day but jaemin will always be his sanctuary.
Relationships: Na Jaemin/Zhong Chen Le, Qian Kun & Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	you're the sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic on archive so im sorry if this is bad,  
> i just love my boys  
> title is from 'sanctuary' by joji, it's a good song

chenle didn't think that his day could get any worse. the only part of his day that had gone well was his shot, even if it was a doctors appointment. he'd woken up late, meaning that he had to rush through his morning routine and only manage to eat half of a snack bar for breakfast. which then led to him nearly missing his bus and had only just managed to jump on before the doors closed. his tiredness had then nearly caused him to miss his stop near the doctor's clinic. he quickly stepped off the bus, and straight into a puddle, causing the water to splash the bottom of his jeans, leaving his ankles to feel colder than ever. he wiped off the excess water before straightening up and making his way into the clinic. he walked up to the front desk and checked in, and was told the doctor would call him in shortly before he moved to sit in the waiting area. after a short five minute wait the doctor came out of his office.

'zhong chenle?' the doctor called and chenle stood up, being one of the few other patients in the room. the doctor kindly smiled at him before telling chenle to follow him.

'so, how have you been doing? what's been happening with that boyfriend of yours?' the doctor asked. 

'i've been good ge, nothing much had been happening, we did finally move everything in, so we actually have furniture now. what about you ge? got a boyfriend yet?' chenle replied, gaining a small chuckle from the man.

'well thats good, im glad that you have the furniture now,' the man chucked again, 'it's better than sleeping on the floor, eating on the floor. i've been good, i've been speaking to a lot more people so i have new friends. and actually, i don't have a boyfriend but, i do have a date.' the man revealed.

'oh my god ge, im so happy for you. this should make headlines,' chenle giggled, using his hands to make speech marks, 'kun ge, after seven years,' (hey, it wasn't that long) kun interrupted, 'finally got a date. who is it? do i know him? or her?' chenle asked.

'you do know him actually.' kun said, causing chenle to raise an eyebrow, as if urging kun to go in, 'you remember taeil? well it's him.' kun told him.

'ohh, i remember him, the short one.' chenle said excitedly. 

'yes him, he asked me out and i agreed.' kun told him and chenle nodded in response.

'anyways, let's get this over with.' chenle sighed before moving his arms in front of him. 

'oh no, i did it already!' kun exclaimed causing chenle to let out a surprised sound, not realising it had happened.

'see, this is why it's easier to get you talking because then you are distracted.' kun explained to a confused chenle.

'ohh thank you ge, i'll see you soon!' chenle said. he gathered his coat and bag before giving kun a hug and leaving the room. 

he quickly checked out, making sure to book a new appointment before leaving the doctors office. he made his way into town, stopping to pick up a tea in a small cafe, before continuing his journey. he walked around the area for a few minutes before deciding which store to go into. he settled on a thrift store, wanting to buy more older items rather than the new ones. he walked around the shop, looking for jackets and hoodies that would suit him. he eventually settled on a few that weren't over expensive but that be sure to pull a chunk out of his bank account. he quickly walked over to the changing rooms, his back facing the mirror as he pulled off his shirt and hoodie before pulling on one of the hoodies. he turned around to check how it looked in the mirror and felt pleased with himself, he'd managed to find a hoodie that hid his body from the prying eyes of others. he started to turn around to check out the back when he looked back in the mirror. he stood sideways looking in the mirror, he knew that he wasn't going to buy the hoodie. he could see where it accentuated his body, and even though he liked the hoodie, he could feel the voices taunting at him. they still hadn't stopped after he had gotten surgery, he thought that finally not having female body parts would stop the voices from attacking his appearance. most people would look at him and see him as a young man which would boost his confidence but then the voices would come back and attack. 

'you look just like a girl with a body like that.'

'why are you being a freak, you're a girl, not a boy.'

'you really think anyone's going to like you that.'

'there's a reason your parents don't speak to you.'

'how can you look like that and be a boy.'

'you're nothing but a freak.'

he could feel the tears well up in his eyes as he turned away from the mirror, almost ripping the material off of him. he quickly pulled his own clothes back on before opening the door, he gave the clothes back to the employee before making his way out of the shop. he quickly walked his way to the bus stop, climbing onto the first bus he saw heading home, he flashed the driver his bus pass before making his way to the back of the bus. 

he sat down on the seat, placing his tea on the seat next to him before pulling out his phone and airpods. he connected them to his phone before pressing shuffle on his playlist. chenle sat back against the seat, picking up his tea as the bus left the stop and letting himself watch as the scenery passed outside. he could hear the music in his ears, he thinks the song is called 'demons', and he finds himself lost in the lyrics. he almost forgets about his tea until the bus goes over a bump, sending tea out of the small opening and on his hands. he's glad the drink isn't scalding but it's still hot. he wipes his hand on his leg before bringing the drink up to his lips, taking a small sip before sighing as the taste washes over him. he quickly drinks the rest of it, not wanting it to go to waste, putting the cup going in the pocket of his bag. 

chenle goes back to watching the scenery and find himself realising that he's closer to home than he thought. he gets ready to push the button as his stop becomes closer, just after the bus passes the next stop he presses the button, informing the driver to stop at the next stop. as the stop draws closer he finds himself beginning to stand up to get out. the bus passes his stop, he presses the button again, and hears nothing. he looks up at the front of the bus, seeing the red light off where it should be telling the driver to stop. he quickly moves to another seat and presses the button, watching the light turn red. he watches as the bus driver pulls up to the bus stop and finds himself moving to get off on this stop, he could handle the walk. 

chenle, in fact, couldn't handle the walk. it had been half an hour and he was still no where near where he was supposed to be, his phone decided to go dead when he pulled it out to check his maps. the street lights were flickering, dangerously close to stopping, there were little to no cars on the road so that made it somewhat safer to walk. he continued to follow the street lights and after what he estimated was another half an hour he could see his bus stop. he blamed the winter sun for going down at four pm. he eventually stopped at his usual bus stop, giving himself some time to sit down and breathe before he started again. 

chenle pulled his coat closer as the wind picked up again, not wanting to freeze to death before he got home. he guessed that jaemin was probably wondering where chenle was, also probably worrying about chenle being out in the cold. after a short while he started walking again, the wind having died down made it easier for him to walk his usual route back to the apartment. he was about two blocks away when it started raining, the puddles from this morning still sat on the ground, waiting for someone to jump in them. his cold legs reminded him of this morning, he wanted to get home quickly. but nothing seemed to be working in his favour today. as he started to pick up his speed he managed to trip over part of the pavement, sending him down into a puddle, soaking him to the bone. he slowly stood up, rolling his ankle a few times before trying to get as much off the water off of him as he could. he carefully moved around the outside of the puddle before slowly walking to his apartment. the rain making his walk seem longer than it actually was made him feel worse than he did before.

he soon enough found himself at his apartment building, he walked through the foyer, heading for the elevators. as he approached them he could see a sign on them, he hoped that he had guessed wrong and that someone had accidentally put it on there but as his eyes scanned over the words he could practically feel his legs groan at the thought of climbing the stairway. he eventually turned around and walked to the stairs, opening the door before starting his journey. his clothes felt like they were dragging him down with them, each step to the apartment making him feel even worse. after a gruelling walk he opened the door to his floor, dragging his body to the door before putting his hands in his pocket. they weren't there. he quickly checked all of his pockets before dropping onto the floor outside of his door. he knocked on the door twice before leaning on the wall next to it. he waited a few minutes before trying again, each time making him feel closer to tears. he eventually gave up, sitting against the wall, his head hung low over his body, his neck too tired to support it up anymore.

he could feel himself start to slip into unconsciousness when the door swung open. he thanked himself for not leaning against it otherwise he'd be on the floor and feeling worse. he heard a gasp from above him before someone crouched down in front of him, a worried look on their face as they looked at him. jaemin. he quickly pulled chenle up, leading him into their apartment before moving him to the couch, pushing him down into the seat. 

jaemin started with his bag, pulling the straps off of chenle's shoulders before sliding the bag down his arms, leaning it next to the sofa leg before moving to remove chenle's jacket. he carefully pulled it from him, chenle's unresponsive state making the process easier and quicker than it would have gone. he placed the jacket next to chenle on the couch before moving to take off his shoes. once he was done he quickly moved all of chenle's belongings to the correct places before going into the bathroom. he quickly plugged the bath and turned the water on, adding in one of chenle's favourite bath bombs before moving back into the living room. he walked back into the sight of chenle under a blanket, half laying on the sofa. jaemin chuckled under his breath at the position, making his way over to chenle. he started pulling the boy up from his position, earning a groan from the boy in question. 

'i know baby, but the quicker you get out of these clothes and into the bath the warmer you'll feel.' jaemin told him, before bringing him off of the sofa and towards the bathroom. jaemin felt bad as the boy groaned with every few steps, but he knew chenle would feel better after a warm bath. he sat chenle down on the toilet seat, turning around to turn off the tap before focusing his attention back on chenle. he started with the boys hoodie, gently pulling it off of the boys arms and over the boys head before throwing it into the wash basket, he moved to take off the boys t-shirt, stopping when the boy flinched as he started to pick it up. he moved himself to a crouching position so he could look at chenle in the eyes. 

'did they come back?' he asked. he didn't need to hear chenles answer, the tears in his eyes giving away the answer. 'hug?' he softly asked, the boy nodding in response. he carefully pulled the boy into a hug, one of his hands coming up to card through chenles hair as the other smoothed circles into his back. he could tell that the crying had built up as chenles body shook with sobs. he whispered to chenle, not wanting to speak scare him by speaking loudly, telling him that he was valid, that the voices were wrong and that he was a boy, telling him that he would always love chenle no matter what. he eventually fell silent, giving chenle room to take in what he had said and to speak up if he wanted to. he guessed that chenle wouldn't speak, he would prefer the silence more than talking. but jaemin didn't mind, he would give chenle how long he needed, he knew that chenle would speak when the voices quietened down. 

after a few minutes chenle slowly pulled back from jaemin, using his hands to wipe at his eyes. he looked up at jaemin, pulling him in for a quick hug again, silently thanking him before pulling back. he looked at the bath before turning his gaze back to jaemin, the other caught his actions and scoffed jokingly,

'am i your servant now?' jaemin asked, the corner of his mouth curling as he tried to stay serious, causing chenle to smile at his actions. jaemin instantly changing as he pulled at his cheeks.

'awww, look at my cutie smiling, i love you chenle.' jaemin confessed, laughing at the red tint covering the boys cheeks.

he sat there watching jaemin before a few moments before starting to pull at his t-shirt causing jaemin to laugh as he removed the boys hands, telling him to put them up so he could take it off the boy quickly following so jaemin could quickly pull his t-shirt off before helping chenle stand up. 

'can you unbutton your jeans for me?' jaemin asked him, not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable. chenle nodded before quickly unbuttoning them, moving his hands to his side to keep them out of the way .  jaemin made quick work of pulling chenles jeans down, helping the boy to step out of them before putting them in the wash basket along with his t-shirt. 

'i'll stay turned this way so you can take your boxers off, just get into the bath after and i'll turn around then.' jaemin told him, turning his back on the boy and closing his eyes. he waited until the sound of chenle stepping into the bath before turning around, opening his eyes when he heard chenle knock on the edge of the bath. he quickly threw the boys boxers into the basket before moving to sit on the toilet seat. 

he quickly helped the boy to wash himself, carefully washing his chest and face, before washing his back. he gave chenle the wash cloth, telling him to wash under the water before helping the boy to wash his hair. he slowly lathered up chenles hair with shampoo, making it into devil horns, laughing at his creation before washing it out, making sure that all of the shampoo was out before quickly conditioning it. he slowly washed the conditioner out before carding his hands through the hair and carefully wringing it out. jaemin let the boy sit in the bath for a few minutes before getting up and grabbing his towel from the shelf and helping the boy up and into it. he sat chenle down on the toilet seat before draining the bath, washing it down with the shower when the water had all gone down the drain. 

he turned around to chenle before pulling him up from his seat and moving him to the bedroom, moving off to the closet to grab chenle some comfy clothes and underwear before moving back over to chenle. he quickly helped him dry off before giving him his boxers, telling him to quickly put them on before jaemin started to help him. when chenle tapped him on his shoulder he turned around and saw him stood with his boxers on and his towel on his head. he laughed at the boy, seeing a small smile sat on his face as he watched jaemin. he quickly moved behind chenle, softly drying his hair with the towel, trying to get it as dry as he could with a towel, after he deemed it dry enough he quickly wiped down the rest of chenles body before helping him into the sweatpants and one of his t-shirts which he knew chenle would have stolen anyways. 

'do you want anything to eat? or drink?' jaemin asked him.

'i'm not hungry, but can we have some tea?' chenle replied, receiving a nod from jaemin as he moved out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, chenle following him like a lost puppy. 

jaemin quickly switched the kettle on before grabbing two mugs out of the cupboard, placing them on the counter before getting two tea bags and the sugar pot. he put three in his and two in chenles before placing the sugar pot back in the cupboard. he waited for the kettle to click off before carefully pouring into the cups, he quickly stirred them before moving over to chenle, letting the teas brew.

'you sure you're not hungry?' jaemin questioned him. 

'i'm sure, i'll tell you if i become hungry.' chenle replied before moving over to the fridge to pull out the milk. quickly drinking some from the bottle before moving over to pour some into the teas.

'you're a greb, zhong chenle, a greb.' jaemin said with mock annoyance, chenle rolling his eyes as a reply causing jaemin to gasp dramatically at his antics. 

chenle ignored his reaction and continued to finish making the teas, putting the used tea bags in the bin, handing jaemin his drink before making his way to their bedroom. jaemin quickly following him before setting down his drink on the coaster. he climbed into his side of the bed, chenle doing the same on the opposite side before picking up the control and putting on a movie that they had both wanted to watch, they were halfway through the movie, both of their drinks were gone, the cups in their hands empty, when jaemin spoke up.

'do you want to talk about it?' he questioned, pausing the movie, turning to look at chenle.

the boy was silent for a few seconds before he spoke up, 'i want to talk about it but can we speak about it in the morning, i think i'll be able to explain it better then.' he replied. 

'okay, but we are going to talk about it, i don't want you to get hurt.' jaemin said, pulling the boy closer to him. 

chenle carefully removed the mug from jaemins hand, putting it with his on the bedside table, before turning the tv off and pulling jaemin further under the covers. he moved as close as he possibly could to jaemin, pulling jaemin arms around him as he moved his head on jaemins chest. jaemin readjusted their position slightly, pulling chenle closer to him as he rearranged his arms around him. 

'okay hyung, but lets sleep first, we can't talk if we're tired.' chenle reasoned, his voice slightly muffled through jaemins t-shirt.

'you're not wrong lele, i love you.' he said, his hand carding through chenles hair.

'i love you more hyung.' chenle sleepily murmured. and as chenle was falling into sleep he knew that it would get better. because even if the voices were constantly shouting at him, jaemins voice seemed to fight them away, he was chenles sanctuary. 

**Author's Note:**

> wow, you managed to read it all!! sorry for the terrible ending but i am terrible at writing them.  
> leave comments if you want to, i'd love to hear your thoughts  
> also stream ridin' and punch <33  
> thank you, eli :)


End file.
